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Archive January 12 2008 DonInLondon 'Day in the Life'



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DonInLondon January 12 2008



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January 12 2008 DonInLondon - ‘Day In the Life’ Changing Times

The Times They are A Changing

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

Bob Dylan

Old words new beginnings. Seems like this is the case. It was a real eye opener for me today to hear a friend and fellow share their experience strength and hope in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Without a doubt my life has improved in many ways with AA. I don’t drink alcohol, just for today. And anyone who is in recovery knows the day at a time philosophy helps keep the daily reprieve going and alive. Once an alcoholic or addict, we know the dangers of isolation and a return to being on our own with the malady we have. We know we flourish in company and by being vigilant in our behaviour and knowing what is happening inside our heads most days.

Eye Opening?

Having been around for a few years now in the fellowship, people I know and have seen become more solid with every day that passes, the miracle is first to be alive to see these things happen, and second to be able to see our own progress,

So eye opening for me, as listening and hearing a person get rid of old ideas and find they were not diagnosed as well as may be all those years back is a wonder for me. Well being without any form of outside influence or medication is their path.

Medication

For me with my history pretty well understood, I know I have recourse and absolute need to follow medical advice. A type one diabetic need follow professional advice and also the other maladies which come with the condition. As for me, I know the depths of clinical depression and see these days how my life is with professional interventions. Professional support puts me on a par with others in the fellowship of AA.

I mention medication simply because some of us are better equipped to deal with daily living. The phenomena of science and its advances is part of my recovery. And as I see it, it made possible the daily rehabilitation of me and my living.

The Debate Still Trundles Along in Alcoholics Anonymous

Even though the founders of AA made clear that many fellows need medical and professional outside help, there still remain the gifted and well meaning amateurs in the ranks of AA who will look down on those who resort to outside help. I wonder if they prefer me dead and not alive with their judgment sometimes. I am sure in their well meaning way, as I would starve without insulin, they might congratulate me on my weight loss on my way to an early grave.

And in fairness today, most suggested they need have no opinion on outside matters which are medical, yet I detect their intellect and their prejudice is near to the surface. A friend of mine interjected and made clear their experiences and the fatal consequences for many who go untreated with their mental ailments, clinical depression and every derivative of the human condition. People need keep to what knows works for them.

Clinical conditions and chronic ailments are just plainly that.

A reminder for the ok alcoholics in visionary states of ‘mind over matter’ and in recovery. We have an emotional, physical and spiritual recovery. But when we decide to play god with others, and play god with ourselves, providence and nature will not say ’I told you, you were ill’ it will be too late and you or I will be dead.

So better to meet science and professionals who know what is going on rather than be concerned about old wives tales or in my case old drunkards tales of sobriety. Suspect indeed.

Conversations Today

So many to the good my head is spinning with good news, and some who are aware they need more meetings to settle concerned heads. One thing common to all alcoholics is isolation and time out away from meetings is we lose our connection to daily recovery. And some feel it more than others.

Recovery

Today after a long week of making sure as these blue days of January can really be undermining for me, the pay off of regular meetings and talking with my sponsor and people [especially a Welsh one!] who ask me the right questions, its all good for today.

How I am Feeling?

Good enough, making some progress and nothing like last year at this time. I forget to mention my medication changes last year at this time. I had no option but to change and keep faith with professional support as my condition was becoming quite dangerous as conflicts became apparent in medicines for type 1 diabetes and clinical depression were not quite contra-indicated, but near enough to give me all manner of unfortunate side effects.

My mental state was particularly poor as a change from one regime to another more therapeutic gave me some months of emotional agony, made worse by other matters. As these changes have been made some chronic conditions remain and that is fine. And the difference made is there on you tube. There is a real change in me from this time last year to now.

A testament to recovery, family, professional support and alcoholics anonymous, just one day at a time. And in all matters, fellowship has been the glue to making life work. There were the hardest of times last year. And although there is always the daily challenge, I know a day at a time I have help and assistance in most matters of recovery. And a question mark still remains about what else to do as some particular matters will never get better as degenerative disease simply will not go away.

Not a bad day at all..




January 12th 2007

Doing a Chair - And Being Myself

Smiles here its been a real stormy day in the UK. I nearly got blown off my bike as I cycled into Fulham tonight. It was tough with the wind against me and good coming home wind behind me.

Chairs in AA

Well doing a chair in AA means we are the key speaker if you like and we get to share for 20-30 minutes on our experience and strength and hope in recovery. We share as long as we like actually as the time is optional. Most people start without a clue how or what to say, just like me. I don’t prepare, I just share what is on my mind and in my heart I guess.

Chairing is somewhat daunting as to tell the truth of our most ghastly times with drink and the experience of sobering up and finding recovery and how life is working today. Well actually you can only cover so much in a short time.

Perfection Creeps in if we get worried

Yes the tendency most alcoholics have is perfection underneath much of their drinking and addictive behaviour so it’s a bit of an antidote not to prepare and speak off the cuff.

In my years presenting and doing a lot of public speaking I was always prepared and was taught well by people who knew how. And all that training is not for nothing, yet is of no use in AA and our fellowship.

We live in the Day

Yes we do we live in the day, and as much as we can keep our doings in the moment of now. And I hope I got this across to my fellows and friends. I have to be in the day, if I go too far into history, there is much to complain about, not because I failed, maybe because I was on the wrong path for so long.

I reckon I pretended to be ok most of the time when I was desperately unhappy. And why? Not because of anyone, merely because I was always challenged emotionally and mentally.

Knowing the cause now, that clinical depression is a cycle in my living, makes it easier when it starts, and as it is starting to turn downward somewhat I need to keep close to my fellowship and my friends.

I have been wondering for a couple of months what has been going on, the side effects of medication for the painful diabetic neuropathy has kept me somewhat buoyant in my feeling because it works not only on nerve damage, it works as an anti depressant too.

So while I have been reasonably ok, I do detect the meanderings in my mental condition, sometimes joyous and sometimes very down very quickly. A sort of roller coaster. Where medication takes the high and low out for a while its never a permanent condition.

Therapy

Well I get plenty of this in the fellowship and realise I am extremely lucky to be able to understand how this all works for me. Therapy helps us understand the process of depression and its causes, it does not stop chemical imbalances from clinical disorders per se.

So I do my best and live as may be. Sometimes I continue and keep going simply on reserves of energy, which are also low presently. So it’s a tricky one, to be aware three things, recovery, clinical depression and the various manifestations I have from the type 1 diabetes. Its pretty much a full time job in itself just keeping myself together. And on top I feel the need to share my story.

By now as you read this, you know there is a lot of work put into sharing my life on the internet and now trying the video blog with you tube.

Its never a planned exercise and never quite how I might envision.

Life on Life’s terms

Yes I get it at last, what most people have known since day one, they just live and get on. I had a long journey just to know a part of me, and not all of me. So much more I cannot grasp. Yet.

Changing - Beyond Everything I ever Considered

So it’s a bit a culture shock? To be where I am and be doing many things just to keep life and soul going. Which was never a consideration.

Living as I do, without the benefits of the old career and material wealth I was accumulating, life is somewhat threadbare in the possessions stakes and future living standards I might wish to enjoy. And actually my whole outlook is about making life work, and not about physical and material accumulations. We may get to look good with our wealth, yet the real wealth is the wisdom and experience we have inside our noodles!

If and when I do face the end of where I get to, I hope its with clarity of mind and not with some dementia, its seems a horrible way to end up. And I have no idea how things may go in the long run or beyond one day.

Daily

It is daily, living to the best of what we have, and not looking forward and wishing time away. We all might do better in this life, being aware of the long term goals and making sure we really to experience the journey.

Waiting

Waiting for something to come along is as useful a watching paint dry. Patience and endeavour are different. We have so many words to describe our living we are better utilising our time so we get to know the meaning behind them from what we do, not what we think or comprehend or imagine.

Philosophy of life

To understand the wisdom we have is mostly due to life experience, beyond all other forms of intellect which many have, being a spectator rather than a player is little compensation. So whatever we try and do, it is far superior than trying to imagine what it may be.

The risks?

Better to take calculated risks and feel living happen than watch a life pass by. Sounds simple, as hard anything we may achieve. Just one day at a time of course.

However we are, warts, capacities, the best way is to utilise what we have and make something work daily. And keep with the spirit of the moment, our personal zeitgeist!

So that’s it for today - until tomorrow…

January 12th 2006

No Need To Evoke God

"Like the sun, blessings nourish the heart with the light of hope and the warmth of love.
Blessings are thought vibrations that can encourage, enlighten and empower.
Blessings are words of encouragement, that when filled with great love make a huge
difference...

Somebody may be miles away but your blessings will reach them."

Dadi Janki

To me the words by Janki ring true. And I believe as Einstein, when he said everything, absolutely everything has purpose. We are gifted in many ways we are yet to understand. The gifts we have are to be developed. The gifts in themselves will bring great benefit to this world, without seeking help from another!

So gifted, we might develop our abilities and rejoice in nature, good conscience and science as we move forward. What we can prove and disprove has no bearing on our common potential and greater potential as family and society. Foundations barely built in our development as a human race.

Our primitive outlook makes us forgetful how quickly mankind is developing, and how primitive we are as just another form of life evolving across this Universe

January 12th 2005

How Little We Know

In our own world we know most, and often when others are included it takes forever to share enough of our world, they can join with us. Similarly, we have to get to know the world in which 'they' live. Our common ground is what we share, our common ground is often something we assume.

We assume our experiences are enough we can understand one another. We have common language, we have similar experiences, yet our world's are apart.

Separate worlds so close and so different, our neighbours are not our intimates. Only those we share day to day and year to year get close enough to comprehend our vastness and our limited views of this reality.

We need patience, not assumption, we need enquiry, ambivalence and a multitude of approaches to understand another's world. Indeed we need the same for our own. In these world's in which we live, knowing ourselves is as fascinating as knowing our fellows.

Our world's may sometimes appear small, by connection and coincidence, be surprised how big our world's are, infinite beyond any measure, akin to the Universe....

-/-




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Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.




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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.










DonInLondon
Day In the Life



Email Me Here

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Not For Profit
Progress Not Perfection


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