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Archive January 18 2008 DonInLondon 'Day in the Life'



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DonInLondon January 18 2008



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January 18 2008 DonInLondon - ĎDay In the Lifeí Good Orderly Drunks

God - Believe In Or Not

A big part of many peopleís lives is all about God. The question of there being a God is almost redundant one way or another if we are wondering about how we might understand God or have a God of our understanding.

AA Alcoholics Anonymous- And God

For many in AA God and belief in God is not a question itís a reality. Same as at least half the world have God in their lives, why not in AA? Simply if we are hung up on the question of God and the existence of God, it can be a real problem for making the AA programme understandable.

With a few years of sobriety under my belt and with a better understanding of the AA fellowship and how it works for me, I am relieved to have found Ghandi provided me with a working understanding of what God may be and how God is a part of my life and recovery.

Ghandi - God Is Truth

Truth is a very good way for me to understand a concept of God. The truth of life, the truth of living. Not surprising with me in denial for many years about me and my alcohol addiction. Denial so strong I could not recognise the dependence even in the grip of drinking in the last years, I was always fighting against this truth. In the end I lost not only the truth, I lost my reason and my emotional being. As far as spiritual connection to this world, I had no clue beyond old feelings and understandings of how life could be.

Back in the Day - Functioning

Did I ever function well? In a dysfunctional way I did. And where did all this start for me? I have no clue beyond life was always fearful and I was always on my guard as a kid. From then on, these patterns well set in e, its as if I was predetermined to be one of the misfits in life. A rebel always and always as my Dad had been, a loner, a hard worker and endeavourer, and not always clued in to what was good for me or anyone else.

Living without Spiritual - That is Living in the Moment

I was always good at understanding what spiritual was, and had no clue how far away it may have been for me. I can recall few occasions of spiritual peace and happiness in my life. Happiness was in emotional relationships with women in my life, happiness came in celebration of the material gains. And these times were good as far as living can be. Yet there was a misunderstanding in me about love and life. I always feared not being loved and fear of it made me wary as my heart got broken more times than be recalled today. I fell in love, I felt love, I lost love, I felt fear and singularity is part of me still today. Risks a plenty, less risky today and with fewer options to misunderstand and be deluded as before, by me of course.

Innocence

In the truth of now, I have encountered quite a number of occasions where there have been opportunities to be in relationships, and they have passed by with good reason. Not being in command of my understanding of me, I felt unable to make relationships when I needed to find my own with myself. Sounds and feels a selfish thing to write until I realise I need not conform or be in a relationship just because.. I need to know myself, so I may share me authentically, and clearly. And by that I donít mean perfect, just able to make sense of connection and being in partnership for love and companionship. Why else?

I am also aware what made for good connection in early sobriety is not the same as now. That desire to look right which most likely clouded not just me and my outlook, it clouds us all. The desire to be ok, to feel right. All the good things we may wish to emulate.

Truth of Me

I am merely learning more each day about me. I need to find connection to help me understand my context for living. The path of spiritual is and always has been top on my agenda or suppressed because of my lack of understanding and experience.

Fear Less Have more Courage

This is true today, while I have had difficulties understanding the truth of now and others have equal problems, itís a wonder we ever make connections and find love I our lives. And even when we love people they sometimes are better on their path and not on ours. We can admire and love from a distance it seems to me. Or we stalk in our denials and become obsessed with something we donít even understand as our own obsessions drive us insane once again.

God And Love

Truth and love so we come to understand may be simply cherishing and caring and loving in every sense as instinct offers. And the spiritual in all this is understanding in the moment, that anything is possible and we are best served by now and not imagination. And we need also let go the past at the same time not forget it. Or we roll back to old tortures and misguided leaps in the dark.

God and Creation

Evolution does not stop with us. We are merely a minute event in the life of this Universe. The Truth of our god revealed and understood as life is today, is what we live in spiritual harmony with our fellows on this small planet.

God is not destiny, God is not more or less than we encounter each and every day as we open our eyes to this world as it is for us. God remains timeless as is Truth and Love. God is no mighty warrior on side with any potentate or leader in this world, nor is God a whim or fancy to sanction our wildest dreams. Truth and Love are timeless even when this Universe is no more, and we are turned to dust in eons of time.




January 18th 2007

Turmoil of Life - About Last Night

Yes a change of postal codes for me tonight, down to Fulham where my Drinking sort of ended on a regular basis. Tonight was good it was a reminder where drinking took me.

In the olden days when I had the big career, and big appetite for expending my life on the career I loved, my life went to hell. How? Well you know, no matter how big we may seem on the outside, we suck up a lot of pain as we go through life. And the higher we go in the business world the more ruthless it can get. I really wonder if I belonged in the ruthless world where life was cheap as any commodity, and my view of life was completely blackened by situations and people who were as ruthless as life had taught them.

I donít mind saying now that the bullying of me and the natural reaction of me to work through it and be stoic, it near killed me and made me want to be dead.

I was excellent at the job I did, yet undermined by my boss, a nasty man. A man so bereft of humanity, more a robot and a very damaged individual. He certainly damaged me, I hope he feels satisfied he did, for he succeeded and needs to be congratulated for being a superior company asset and truly damaged human being.

Anyway that was then. And actually I have another one right now like this so self obsessed they are a shining example of not me. Fortunately they are not my boss and will not make a dent on my path. And not me, never will I allow that to happen again, ever. I like and love people, I am sensitive to their situations and can help them immeasurably. Yet I pause with care as I have my own house to put back in order. The answer is yes I do help by example and by helping in my old counselling role when time and energy allow. Yet I still feel burnout may come again every time I do this. People donít see it, even when I share it, sometimes we need get back to the simple life and living.

I do know so well what makes people tick underneath the superficial, and its that which people often value. And its sometimes a trust and share, and help situation. Now I know too the potential dangers of too much of this. People donít see me, they see a problem solver, and useful connection. Not so much in my fellowship, but elsewhere where I may be seen and in discussion. Most people let me be me. And at the same time I can be everything I used to be. But not on an ongoing basis, my old life is done for now.

Why ever would I want it back? I have no clue. Helping ad hoc and with due care is all we need do, and have another life, the one we are meant to find through choices.

Lonesome

There are a lot of people so lonely and without support it makes my heart ache. At the same time, the gift of sobriety and a fellowship has given me friendship beyond anything I have ever experienced. People who will go out of their way to help and support.

Stuck

A couple of people more distant from me are truly stuck and face difficult decisions and outlooks, and if I ruled the world every day they would get their hearts desire. And so mine too? What I know is we work life just in the day and make it work. And we build our endeavour and living again.

Emotional Physical & Spiritual

Nowhere in the fellowship is there a promise to be materially better off than when we come into sobriety, in fact more often than not, we have lost everything before we get to here and into the fellowship of AA. So the truth is we find value in our new goals and at the same time want to work to make life work, in the day. Sometimes this means back to wealth and riches. And we also know true wealth is in our journey and not material wealth or ego.

Odd Times

I have no long term plans. Why? Simply because some things are getting better and other things are getting worse. And in between right now, keeping body and soul together is about as much as I can do, on a daily basis.

Imagination

So necessary as well as seeing reality. We need temper imagination with our real day today. And see what is true and what is a wish. Wishing life is not so helpful if we are enduring life right now. We need to change and be ourselves. And do this with due care and attention.

Imagination and Dreams

All to the good if they have foundations and reality in them. No good will come from wishing if there is no path to those dreams.

Basics

It is back to basics and living for me, I feel better when I know my next right step, and doing the next right thing, there is great acceptance of now for me, and where I feel I may have dreams and imaginings I need to connect them to now. Acceptance of the reality is by far the best way to live. And then as we emerge on our path with more certainty, we get to a life beyond our wildest dreams.

Choice

As our very sober sharer said towards the end of the meeting, its getting our choices back and working with what we have and not in a place of dreams. We need keep our feet on the ground have a wealth of imagination and dreams and be sure to do the next right thing. There is no mileage in wishing a life different. There is every reason to make a life different and plan accordingly,

Some choices seem harsh for my friends presently simply because they are too far away and have no connection to now. We do well to heed the examples of life, so gifted with these wisdoms we make for certainty rather than risking our sobriety on pipe dreams and imagination.

Today

Has been really good to let my feet step gently along my path as gently as one can. With love and attention and due care we can tread soft, as was written a long time ago by William Butler Yeats:

"But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

January 18th 2006

Good News

When we hear goods news from people we love, and maybe have not heard from in an age, it is a breath of joy. We all get disconnected from time to time, and maybe we are just too close for comfort, or our time together has ended. Whatever the reason when we look back in a balanced way, good news is simply just that.

So I guess any type of news we hear directly or indirectly is given to us on the day, it will evoke memories and connections, we may ask ourselves many questions beyond the news. We might be happy with just knowing or wish to know more. On balance sharing news is best kept in the day, understanding its magnitude and value, understanding how completing news is and how difficult not knowing often makes us feel.

So my good news today, of a friend and their new partnership for life is welcomed for the knowing and completion. Joyous and somehow liberating me from wondering, its the best feeling. Love is the mainstay of any life and loving and accepting how life turns out makes good our confidence, and every element we influence.

This is not philosophy, this is experience. Experience and understanding are our ever growing repertoire of love.

January 18th 2005

Humility

Your happy and peaceful nature unlocks the door to success, and attracts the blessings and respect of all souls.

The word humility has so many interpretations. I have my own like you. Yet we may agree on some fundamentals. Humility is a way of living, we can be humble in our expression and we can be humble in our outlook. Humility is having the knowledge and experience of life, to take life on life's terms. To accept the day as it presents and to make of the day what we can.

Humility and power, oft at odds and screaming conflict. Humility is when the conflict abates and we manage ourselves through the day as it presents, not at odds, right sized and connected....

-/-




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Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.





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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.




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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.










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